The Hardest Thing
by Neo Sailor Saggitarius
Summary: I can't say much or else it will ruin the chapter. Let's just say that Kurama spills the beans about something and now Hiei has to figure out how to deal with it. Hiei/Kurama


A/N: Well, here I am again. This time I'm trying my hand at a Hiei and Kurama fic. It was a while ago that my friend gave me the inspiration for this fic. It may start out with a truth or dare game, but I warn you it is not. I wasn't originally planning on continuing this fic, but it seems that most things I plan don't work out. I been figuring out where this thing is going and I think I finally have an idea. Well, enjoy the fic.

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Chapter 1: The Truth Hurts

Hiei, truth. . . or dare? Yusuke said an evil glint in his eyes. 

I've got you this time, he thought with a grin. I don't care which you say, I've got something great planned either way. 

Everyone waited expectantly as Hiei thought a moment. He looked back at Yusuke finally, and said completely calm, 

Everyone except Yusuke was surprised by Hiei's decision. They had all found that it sounded much tougher for them to say , but considering what Yusuke had planned, either could require incredible strength. 

Okay Hiei, Yusuke said, his pleasure evident as he leaned forward. Who. . . or what, do you love the most? 

The or what had been an afterthought considering the demon's views on the feeling. 

Once again Hiei took a moment to ponder the question as Yusuke rubbed his hands together, secretly in his mind. After thinking for a long time, Hiei leaned forward and stared fiercely into Yusuke's eyes. 

This is it, Yusuke thought, leaning forward expectantly. 

Love is an emotion for the weak, Hiei began looking pointedly at Yusuke and Kuwabara. It's purpose is to get in the way and confuse people's thoughts. Therefore I love nothing. 

Yusuke and Kuwabara asked surprised and a little indignent. 

You mean there is nothing, nothing at all that you could possibly love? Kuwabara's disbelief was evident. 

I like certain things, I will grant you that, Hiei conceded thinking of his precious sweet snow in particular. But, I never have and never will love anything or anyone. Hiei said the last very slowly being sure to emphasize each word while showing the contempt he felt for anyone who would be weak enough to give in to such a pointless feeling. 

During this time the three men had all been looking at each other and none of them had noticed the hurt expression on Kurama's face when Hiei had first answered his question. Before anyone could see him he'd quickly made his expression emotionless again, leaving only his eyes to show the stab of pain in his heart that each of Hiei's carefully enunciated words induced. 

When Hiei finished his matter of fact answer, he began to turn his head to Kurama to continue the game. 

Not wanting the others to see that he was near tears, Kurama jumped up from his spot quickly. He turned and ran toward the washroom throwing a quick Be right back over his shoulder as he went. 

Kurama made it just in time to shut the door before the tears began to fall. He leaned heavily against the frame for a few minutes letting them fall freely. When they began to subside, he moved to the sink to throw water on his face. The tears may have subsided, but the pain in his heart hadn't. 

he told his reflection after looking at himself for a moment. What? Did you actually expect him to say he loves you? Kurama tried to smile to shake off the pain accompanying this thought, but managed only a grimace. 

Of course not, he answered himself quickly. Do I look stupid? 

Kurama studied his reflection for a few more minutes before he finally had to admit the truth to himself. 

he said quietly. Maybe I was hoping deep down inside that he would say it, but I didn't actually expect him to say it. I'm not that stupid. 

Realizing the argument was pointless Kurama sighed and leaned heavily on the sink. 

Maybe Hiei's right and love is an emotion for the weak. . . but if it is, them I'm the weakest of all, because I love him with everything I've got. 

Then why don't you tell him, his mind asked quietly. 

Judging by what he said, I don't think he'd take it too well. . . 

You'll never know unless you try. . . 

he said loudly slamming his fist down on the sink. I can't tell. . . I won't. . . I'll just. . . 

Just what? 

I just won't think about it, Kurama stated simply ending his inward conversation and composing himself so he could rejoin the others. 

Easier said than done as Kurama soon found out. 

As Kurama walked out of the washroom he noticed that the guys were talking while they waited for him. They were discussing something interesting from the look of things and they had their backs turned to Kurama. 

When Kurama saw Hiei he felt his love for the dark-haired demon wash over him just as he had every time he'd seen Hiei since the day he'd figured out what this feeling was. This time though, the soft feeling was followed by an intense sickness as he realized what Hiei would think of him if he knew. By the time Yusuke noticed him, Kurama had turned a deathly white. 

Hey Kurama, Yusuke called his look changing to one of concern when he noticed Kurama's face. You okay man, he asked, moving as if to help Kurama. 

I'm fine, Kurama assured him, waving him away with a hand. I just feel kind of sick. I'm going to go home. 

Kurama made his way to the door quickly, wanting to leave before Yusuke could ask any more questions. 

If he's leaving, I'm not going to stay, Hiei said, standing as well. 

Come on, we can't keep playing with just me and Yurameshi, Kuwabara protested, but the other two had walked out the door before he even finished. He sighed. I guess we'll have to finish playing later, right Yurameshi. . . Yurameshi? Kuwabara looked around, but realized quickly that he was alone. 

**** 

Kurama walked out of Yusuke's place quickly, turning on the sidewalk to head home. It wasn't too long before he heard Hiei behind him. He'd hoped that the demon wouldn't follow him, but had known deep down he wouldn't be that lucky. 

Hey, Kurama, Hiei called as he came up beside him and matched his pace to the red-haired demon's. 

Kurama heaved an inaudible sigh before turning to look at Hiei. He really didn't want to talk right then, but he had the feeling Hiei wouldn't go away unless he said something. 

What is it Hiei, Kurama asked, trying to keep his face emotionless. 

What's really wrong with you, Hiei asked, studying Kurama intently. 

It's like I said at Yusuke's, I just don't feel well. Kurama could tell that Hiei didn't believe him, but he stubbornly stuck with his answer, refusing to tell what the real reason for his illness was. He didn't really think Hiei would take it very well if he suddenly blurted out that he was in love with him. He could just imagine the look of disgust and horror on Hiei's face, which only made him feel even worse. 

Hiei finally gave up on his questioning and walked quietly beside Kurama for a while. Having finally had enough of the silence he looked back up at his long-time partner. 

If you're going home, I'll walk you, he offered. He figured he might be able to get something out of Kurama if he stayed beside him long enough. 

No, that's alright, Kurama said a little too quickly, turning to look away. I. . . I'm going to take a short walk through the park before I go home. I need the fresh air, and I would like to be alone to think. 

Hiei's eyes narrowed suspiciously as he looked at the red-haired boy. When Kurama felt the look he turned to stare at his shorter friend for a while before holding up his hands apologetically. 

I'm sorry, I just don't want company right now. You can go back to my place and stay there until I come back if you like. I think there might be some sweet snow in the freezer. 

Hiei's eyes narrowed even farther. Kurama was trying to get rid of him, and he was trying to bribe him with sweet snow. Why? Hiei studied Kurama for a few more minutes, then finally he shrugged. 

he said, turning to walk away. I'll see you at your place then. Hiei walked down the street listening intently for when Kurama turned to walk to the park. He wanted to know what was going on and since Kurama didn't look like he was going to tell him, Hiei was going to follow him. 

When Kurama turned, Hiei quietly ran to the trees lining the walkway through the park. He chose a branch near enough so that he could see and hear Kurama, but at an angle so that he wouldn't need to move for a while and risk Kurama hearing or seeing him. 

Hiei crouched down on a branch, making sure he was concealed by the leaves. He listened intently as his red-haired friend walked by talking angrily to himself. 

You idiot. . . you fool. . . How could you let him get to you? You've been perfectly fine up until now, but all he has to say is one word and that's it. You break down. 

Hiei quirked an eyebrow. What the hell is he talking about, he thought as he leaned out to hear Kurama better. 

Why do you even care. So you're in love. Why should it matter what he says. You don't need Hie. . . Kurama cut himself off quickly, surprised that he almost said the name out loud. He looked around suspiciously for a few minutes, then continued his walk not talking, just lost in thought. 

**** 

Hiei heaved a sigh of relief when he saw Kurama turn to walk away. The demon had frozen in the tree when Kurama had stopped talking and looked around searching the trees as if he were looking for something. . . or someone. He didn't even think he started breathing again until he say Kurama walk away. 

Now that Kurama was walking again, Hiei was tempted to jump to another tree and follow him, but Kurama wasn't talking anymore. Hiei really wanted to know what his friend was talking about, he'd said he was in love, but he never said with who. 

Oh well, Hiei thought, shrugging. I guess I'll just go back to his place and wait for him, since it doesn't look like he's going to say anything else right now. 

There was a slight whisper in the trees as Hiei disappeared, heading back to Kurama's. 

**** 

Kurama watched the small demon disappear out of the corner of his eye. He'd hoped that if he stopped talking, Hiei would leave. He'd been a little too close to saying Hiei's name when he noticed the demon following him. Kurama was mad that he'd let it slip he was in love, but he was incredibly relieved that he hadn't said he was in love with Hiei. If he ever told Hiei that he loved him he definitely wanted to say it to his face and not to a bunch of leaves. 

Glad that the demon was gone, Kurama now began his thoughtful trudging again. He didn't get very far before, (insert sarcasm here) to his utter delight, it began to rain. 

he said sarcastically, throwing his hands up in the air. Just what I need, a little rain to lighten my mood. 

Even though he really didn't want to be soaked, Kurama wanted even less to go home, so he trudged over near the trees to try and stay dry as he continued to walk the lonely path through the park. 

**** 

I suppose this really is fitting, Kurama thought shoving his hands in his pockets and turning his head against the pounding rain that seemed to beat down harder with every passing minute. If I stay out here much longer, I'm going to drown but. . . Looking back in the direction of his apartment, Kurama felt his reluctance return. 

Oh this is ridiculous. Here I am, being soaked through just because I'm scared. Kurama shook his head, his good sense returning. He'd been walking in the rain for a couple of hours, all because he'd listened to his fears. 

I don't care if Hiei is waiting for me back at my apartment. I deser. . . Kurama shook his head to clear his thoughts as dizziness washed over him. I deserve to be. . . 

Kurama began to feel increasingly warm, even though he was shivering. He held his hand up to his head as dizziness washed over him again. His vision blurred a bit making Kurama worried. 

What's the. . . matter with. . . Kurama tried to think, but couldn't as his senses faded into darkness. 

**** 

When Hiei arrived at Kurama's apartment he immediately went to the freezer to get the sweet snow. He found that, as usual, Kurama had his favorite kind. 

It's funny, Hiei thought to himself. He always has my favorite kind of sweet snow in his freezer, but I've never seen him eat any. 

Shrugging, Hiei set his prize down on the counter and proceeded to enjoy the sugary treat. 

I wonder why Kurama was acting so strange, Hiei pondered out loud. He said he was in love, but I don't understand why that would make him feel bad. Yusuke's always saying that love is a great thing, not something to be ashamed of. 

Hiei sat at the table for a while pondering Kurama's comments in the park as he slowly devoured the sweet snow. Finally, having yet to come to a conclusion, Hiei decided to wait until Kurama got home. Maybe then he could get him to talk. 

It isn't too far to the park, so he should be home soon anyway. Hiei relaxed, confident that he would soon have his answers. 

Hiei stayed confident through the first hour Kurama was gone. After the second hour he began to worry. 

Damn, where is he, Hiei asked as he paced around the kitchen. It shouldn't have taken him this long to walk back. Come on Kurama. 

To keep himself from worrying too much, Hiei tried to get angry instead. 

I'm going to kill him when he gets back for making me worry this much. I hate these weak human emotions. 

That is if he isn't dead or hurt already, Hiei's subconscious berated him. 

No, that can't be true. Kurama can't die. . . he can't. Hiei's matter of fact statement, though encouraging, still couldn't keep him from worrying. He was becoming too emotional to handle, when he finally heard the door open. Hiei heaved a huge sigh of relief as he ran to give Kurama a piece of his mind. 

Kurama you. . . Hiei's anger was cut short when he saw his friend lying unconscious on the floor. 

Hiei yelled worriedly as he ran to see if he was alright. Kurama what's wrong? Hiei shook Kurama trying to make him wake up. Come on Kurama, wake up! Hiei's voice was urgent as he put his hand to Kurama's forehead and gasped when he felt the heat radiating from it. 

He's burning up and he's soaked, Hiei said looking Kurama over. He must've been out in the rain. . . the idiot. Hiei picked up Kurama trying not to jar him too much and walked into Kurama's bedroom. When Hiei got to the bed he gently placed Kurama down on it and removed his wet clothes. Then he tucked him in under the covers and went to get some cool water and a cloth. 

When Hiei returned, he submerged the cloth in the water and placed it on Kurama's forehead. 

Please be alright Kurama, Hiei pleaded as he tried to break the red-head's fever. I can't lose you partner. I need you. 

**** 

Hiei sat by Kurama's side for hours, replacing the compress when he needed to. Eventually he fell asleep sitting in a chair by the bed. He woke quickly when he sensed Kurama finally stirring. 

Wha-what happened, Kurama croaked, his throat dry. 

I'm not sure, Hiei replied, shaking his head. When I found you, you were unconscious in the doorway. Can you remember anything? 

Well. . . I remember being in the park. Then it started to rain and. . . after that things start to get a little hazy. 

pondered Hiei. Why were you out in the park for so long after it started to rain? Hiei narrowed his eyes suspiciously. 

I. . . I was just thinking, Kurama said nervously, looking away. 

About what, Hiei probed. 

Look Kurama. I heard you in the park. I know you're in love with someone. What I don't get, is why you felt the need to stay out in the rain all that time. 

I just. . . had a lot of thinking to do. Kurama looked dejectedly down at his intertwined fingers. 

Dammit Kurama, Hiei yelled slamming a fist down on the bed, causing Kurama to flinch. I can understand you feeling ashamed to be in love, but that doesn't mean you need to get sick because of it. What could possibly make you stay out there for so long? 

Hiei I. . . I. . . 

You're the reason I stayed out there so long. Kurama said quickly looking Hiei in the eyes for only an instant so he wouldn't see all the emotions brought to the surface by his confession. 

Kurama looked all around his room. Anywhere but at Hiei. Finally he slumped down in the bed refusing to talk. 

What do you mean I was the reason, Hiei asked, shaking him. 

It's nothing, Kurama said, breaking away from Hiei and laying down in the bed. I'm tired. I think I'll sleep some more. Kurama closed his eyes, effectively ending the conversation. 

Hiei growled in frustration, threw up his hands and stalked out of the room. He paced the house for a while, feeling the need to destroy something, and barely controlling the urge. When he cooled off he walked back into Kurama's room. 

Immediately Hiei realized something was wrong. Kurama was thrashing in his bed and when Hiei touched his forehead he realized Kurama was still burning up. 

Hiei went to grab the compress and placed it back on Kurama's forehead, wiping the sweat off him first. 

At the touch of the cool compress Kurama's eyelids fluttered and slowly opened. His eyes focused on Hiei's face, a few feet from his own, which was etched with worry. 

he whispered, bringing his hand up to rest on the smaller demon's cheek. 

What is it Kurama, Hiei asked. 

Kurama smiled sadly as he reached his other hand out and wrapped it around Hiei's neck. Hiei barely had time to register the touch before Kurama's surprisingly steady hands pulled him down until their lips met in a tender kiss. 

Hiei was shocked, but before he could regain his senses enough to pull away, Kurama let him go. 

I meant to tell you earlier, Kurama said slowly, the sad smile still on his lips. I wasn't sure how you'd react but. . . I love you Hiei. 

For the second time in the last few minutes Hiei was shocked speechless. 

Kurama continued. I know you said you would never love anyone, but. . . Kurama shrugged weakly, his eyes falling closed once again as his exhaustion overtook him. 

Hiei looked down at his friend for a few minutes, still shocked. Finally, he reached out to him. 

he said tenderly a soft smile crossing his lips as he ran a hand softly through Kurama's hair. I lied. 

**** 

Yusuke watched the secret romance unfold from his perch in the tree outside Kurama's window. He smiled triumphantly as he watched Hiei tenderly taking care of his friend. 

I knew he was lying, Yusuke said as he dropped back to the ground, no longer needing to see the two. 

As Yusuke walked away he congratulated himself on his keen intuition. Something had told him he needed to follow Kurama and Hiei when they left so suddenly. He'd been disappointed when Kurama caught himself before saying Hiei's name, but he figured it was too early anyway. Then, when Hiei left, he'd prepared himself to follow, but something inside told him to stay and make sure Kurama would be alright. Lucky for him too. When Kurama collapsed he'd quickly picked him up and carried him back to his apartment. Then he'd left him in the doorway for Hiei to find. 

That was a stroke of genius, if I do say so myself, Yusuke said, another smile crossing his lips. He continued to walk home happily until a thought crossed his mind, making him stop and grimace. 

he said. I left Kuwabara back at my place alone. I hope he's not too pissed at me. 

Yusuke jogged the rest of the way home trying all the while to make up a good excuse for his absence. He finally gave up when he stopped in front of the door. 

Ah well, if he's too mad I'm sure I can find some way for him to blow off steam. It is still raining after all and I wouldn't want him to catch cold. 

Yusuke cracked his knuckles in anticipation as he walked in the front door. 

-----TBC-----

A/N: Well, there it is. I finally managed to find time to upload this chapter. I've actually had it written for a while I just never got the chance. Like I said before I never actually meant to continue this, but my friend told me I wasn't allowed to end it there... *sticks tongue out at CSF* Well, at least I know where this thing is going, there's heartbreak ahead, and if I'm lucky I might even be able to find a good ending... I make no promises about whether it will be a happy ending or not... One final note... If you're like my friend you probably imagined some very interesting things that Yusuke and Kuwabara could do. To you I would like to show my indignation and say "THEY WILL NOT!!" *cough* Anyway, I'm trying to work on the next chapter, so wish me luck.


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